Tonight at the Stirring was SO SO SO good. Seriously. There are few other topics on the planet that stir my spirit as much as making disciples...and though I very rarely call it that, it is no doubt what I do and what I love more than anything else. It is what comes to mind every morning when I get up...it is what motivates and excites me about each day...it is what I think about throughout my day...and it is what I reflect on as I finish my day. Those I walk with...as I more often call it...are always on my mind.
What I don't understand...and yet do understand simply because of who God is...is why I get to live such an incredible life. Seriously. I know it's pointless to question the Lord...and it is completely contrary to His call on my life to say that I don't deserve it and He picked the wrong person, but so often I just really don't understand how I've been given so much and why the Lord chooses to use me the way He does.
So many things tonight hit home for me. Who I am today is not who I have always been. I used to hate myself. I used to hate my life...to the point of daily wanting to end my life. I wanted so desperately at one point to have a life that mattered...that had significance and value...but at that point I had no idea how to get there. I used to be terrified of people...to the point that I refused to go anywhere by myself (ie Simpson cafeteria or church) because I was scared to death of fending for myself and...gasp...getting to know new people. I also used to have no encouragement for others...so often I wanted to say something encouraging to a friend or a co-worker and I had absolutely no idea how to utter those words from my lips...no idea at all. I was beyond socially awkward and so so so uncomfortable in my own skin. I did a decent job of hiding it...mostly because I also had no idea how to share what I was really thinking with a single person either. That was my past reality.
I seriously praise the Lord all the time for the life I get to live today...for the fact that my past reality is not my present reality. I honestly could not tell you when the change started happening...but it was both gradual and sudden. I know there were key people who the Lord chose to use...people who I will forever thank the Lord for placing in my life. One person is my best friend, Carissa, who is the first person in my life who I ever trusted with the real me. Her unconditional love and support showed me that the real me wasn't as scary as I once thought it to be. Another person is my mentor, Nancy, who has taught me more about the Lord in the last few years alone than I have learned in the entire 12 years of knowing Him.
In addition to these two women, I can also say with absolute certainty that I would not be where I am today without some other very special young women who are in my life. For almost 4 years I have known Libbie and Jamie...and there are others I have met since that time as well. What a privilege it has been to walk alongside them and grow with them. I have never in all my life known a greater honor.
Tonight I had the honor of one of them thanking me for what I have done for her--and really, I feel I am the one who should be thanking her. She has so often been the voice of God in my life and a tangible expression of His love for me...she has done far more for me than she will ever know...though I often try to tell her.
Discipleship...or walking alongside someone...has always been about inviting others into the journey I am already on. God is so incredibly good and so infinitely huge and we will never run out of things to learn about Him...in community.
Thanks, Nathan, for reminding us tonight that the greatest call of all is to simply love and make disciples. Sure, this can look a variety of different ways, but I pray now that I would never stop asking the Lord if there is someone new He would like me to meet.
What a good night. What a great life.
John 17:20-21...My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe you have sent me.
