Undeserved, unexpected and so much better!

I had the opportunity this weekend to reflect on my life. I was looking forward to this weekend’s Stirring women’s retreat mostly to get to know some new people--and to get to know those I already knew a little bit better--and then I started getting sick and felt like the weekend might not be as much fun as I had previously hoped it would be. I think that’s what makes this blog ten times more amazing though than it ever could have been had I not been feeling so not myself.

While there are circumstances in my life that I would love to see change, this weekend they seemed so small in comparison to the greater scope of my life. My life...and most importantly what Jesus has done in my life...overwhelms me. I remember commenting to a friend a few years ago that parts of my past felt made-up in my mind because of how much had changed for me--well, if I thought that was true a few years ago, it is infinitely more true now. My life is SO SO SO good and I absolutely love it. This can be a hard reality only when in the presence of people who do not share this sentiment about their own life, but it doesn’t change the fact that this is my reality and it is a reality that is available to everyone else as well.

Everything...absolutely everything...that has changed in me or my life has been so much more incredible than I ever could have imagined for myself at one point in my life. Everything from my job to my friends to my family to my ministry to my hopes and dreams for my future...God has far exceeded it all. I really felt the need this weekend to pause and reflect on how incredibly He has shown His love and delight in me in all that He has blessed me with. Not in a million years do I deserve it and there is absolutely no way that I ever expected it--and that is what makes it so 100% Him and 0% me.

God is to be glorified for it all and without Him none of my life would be, though the one thing I do feel I have done in cooperation with Him is I have given Him the door to my life. There were many times years ago that I refused to let Him in--refused to change and held onto the comfort of my misery with clenched fists. It’s been such a gradual letting go process, grieving, healing, renewing and growing and as I have opened myself to the Lord and what He has for me, He has done a work in me that can only be credited to Him.

I am so thankful for the many people in my life who have walked it all out with me--they have been tangible daily expressions of Jesus' love for me and it is because of their impact on me that I am now able to live out my life in a way that is impacting others for the Kingdom. I pray that I never cease to remember all that the Lord has done for me and all that He desires to continue to do as I live each day for Him.