Over the last 5 hours I have literally come full circle--from loving that I am back in school finally pursuing my dream of counseling, to questioning it all and wanting to quit, to once again knowing I am right where I am supposed to be. I am only 2 weeks into an 18-month program, and I am already overwhelmed by part of the world I seldom come into contact with. I found myself tonight feeling like the most judgmental person in the world as I listened to classmates share about their childhoods, praying all the while that the Lord would give me His heart for them, even if only a glimpse...something, anything!
One of our assignments over the next few weeks is to share our story from age 0-18 with a group of about 8. All the while tonight, I found myself dreading the experience when originally I had thought it wouldn't be so bad. I typically have no problem sharing about myself and live my life fairly openly in front of the people I know, love and am surrounded by--tonight I realized, though, just how separated I have become from the world, which I think is both good and bad for a variety of reasons. I don't want to be scared of the world I don't know. And I don't want to be ashamed of the world I do know.
I found myself tonight not wanting to share my story...because somehow after hearing the story of two of my classmates, my story instantly lost value in my mind. To those who have truly known poverty and abuse, my life is that from a fairytale. I always had a roof over my head, a sanitary environment, clean clothes that fit, a mom who read to me at night, parents who were involved in my life and encouragement to make something of myself. I still knew pain though. I knew rejection and heartache, and the truth that I have to remind myself of tonight is that my lack of what others have experienced doesn't devalue what I have. My journey is just that...mine. It has made me who I am and I know with every fiber of my being that God continues to bring purpose out of every moment of my life.
My hope after tonight is simply that I would continue to learn to love through this experience. And that I would continue to be thankful for everything that I have been blessed with in this life. It's ok that I haven't experienced it all...but what I need to continue to remember is there isn't a thing that the Lord hasn't walked through with any person that I might come in contact with in the future...He knows it all. And with His help, I can continue to open myself up to loving the least--I pray this is one area of many that I see Him work in this next season of my life.
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